Therapy Barn
by Idiom Laurels
Summary: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSE! --Ryuichi's a dentist, Tohma's a therapist, and when an old woman's evil plot is set against the latter, Ryuichi & his pal Shuichi will stop at nothing to save him!


"You can't say anything to anyone about this... okay...?"

"I won't tell anyone. It's part of the job description."

"Good," the patient said menacingly, rising from her chair and slowly approaching her therapist. "I wouldn't want to get arrested, after all."

-For you!-

A/N: This is a birthday fanfic for a good friend of mine (on ff.n, I believe she's known as "Smoopy" ::big smile:: )! Keep in mind, this is most certainly an alternative universe... no way can this fit into the anime or manga... no... way. WELL! Rose, I hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: OOCness, dentists, scary old people & very mild shounen-ai! Beware! My background music for this fanfic was FLCL... oh god.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I don't own Gravitation, but if I did, I'd give it to you for your birthday...

-For you!-

**_Therapy Barn:_**

"Open wide!" the over-cheerful dentist requested, only to be answered only with a small child spitting in his face. "Good job! But next time, keep your mouth open a bit longer," he said, grabbing a tissue to wipe the child-saliva off his cheek.

"I HATE THE DENTIST!" the small boy cried out, as tears pooled in his big blue eyes and he began to sob.

The dentist, Ryuichi Sakuma, then developed a stunned and sadden expression on his face, and he too started to cry.

"But... but I'm the dentist!!" he wailed, sending confused and curious faces to everyone else within a half mile. Ryuichi was always proud to be a dentist, and would never proclaim such a thing in tears of sadness... except when he was dealing with children.

The small boy looked up at Dr. Sakuma, and his unshed tears vanished from his eyes, to reveal one happy little boy.

"You're kind of cool!" the boy declared, giggling up a storm.

"Thanks!" Ryuichi beamed, looking like the happiest dentist alive. "I'd say the same about you, but I only think people are cool when their mouth is open really really wide."

With that said, the boy finally opened his mouth, and Ryuichi began to do his work.

"How was work so far today, Sakuma-san?" Ryuichi's friend, Tohma Seguchi—who worked as a therapist in the same building—asked as the two sat down for lunch later on that day.

"Cream filled..." Ryuichi said excitedly, pulling out a package of Twinkies.

"Umm... so how many patients have you had?"

"ONE MORE THAN USUAL!" Ryuichi practically yelled, seeing that his package of Twinkies contained a bonus cream-filled cake.

"So... what's on the agenda for tomorrow?"

"Zingers..." Ryuichi mumbled cheerfully, popping a Twinkie into his mouth.

"For a dentist, you sure do eat a lot of sweets," Tohma remarked, laughing slightly, taking out his own lunch consisting of some sort of 'fish like meat', and a container full of vitamins. "Being a therapist, I'd have to wonder if your eating of Hostess-treats has to do with something emotional... like replacing happiness of heart with happiness of tongue."

"Tongues _are _closer to teeth..." Ryuichi chirped, as he took out the rest of his lunch.

Tohma gawked at the mini-mountain of cookies, chocolates, peeps marshmallows, hard candies, pudding cups, and a lowly diet soda to drink.

"Regular sodas are too sweet," Ryuichi said, cracking open his drink to wash down the trail of pink sugar left in his throat by a pink marshmallow bunny.

"I... see..." Tohma coughed. "Anyway, did you hear in the news? Another therapist went missing yesterday. It's a little unnerving. I mean, three therapists in the past week, and it all happened in this area. A lot of my co-workers are worried," Tohma said, taking a small bite of his... 'fish'.

Ryuichi continued eating his lunch, unfazed.

"I mean who knows, I could be next..." Tohma uttered, hiding his nervousness.

Ryuichi picked up the salt shaker then and began putting salt all over his cookies.

"Umm, Sakuma-san, why are you salting your cookies?" Tohma inquired, just as Ryuichi had put the chocolate chip cookie in his mouth.

"SALT!?" he cried, spitting out the poor, half eaten cookie onto the floor. "I thought that was sugar!" he continued, gagging.

Tohma stared in silence.

"I mean, restaurants should HAVE sugar shakers! People USE sugar!"

"Well, they do have sugar shakers... you just grabbed the wrong one," Tohma pointed out, directing his glance to the large sugar container placed on their table.

"Oh. Then they should dye the sugar pink so I can tell it apart."

"But if you look closely you'll see that the consistency of sugar is different than the—"

"Yes... pink..." Ryuichi sighed, with a dreamy look on his face as the thought of a pink-sugar waterfall came into mind. "Hey Tohma...?"

"Yes?"

"Wanna go swimming later?"

"Sure... but..."

"So, you said something about therapists being killed?" Ryuichi reminded casually. The thought sent chills down Tohma's spine.

"N-not killed... they just... went... missing..."

"They're dead. Trust me. If they're gone for more than a day they're usually rotting in a dumpster somewhere, with maggots feeding off their decaying flesh." Ryuichi took another large bite of his cookie, after he had brushed off the salt.

Tohma hated the sureness in his voice and the truth behind his eyes—as if he had watched some sort of really graphic news program based off of facts from a very reliable source.

"So, do you have anymore patients today?" Ryuichi asked, sucking the cream-filling out of a Twinkie like a vampire.

"Yes... a new patient actually. I've never... had them before," Tohma answered, feelings very unsure about the whole thing. A new patient was not what he wanted right now. He wanted familiar faces! He wanted people he had already had reveal their secrets to him so he could at least blackmail them! But no. This new patient was suspicious... why a new subject now? Why when all these therapists were going missing!?

Tohma looked up from his thoughts to see Ryuichi making two of his peeps marshmallows fight each other; the pink baby chicken was clearly winning over the blue one... Ryuichi _had _bitten off the blue one's head, after all.

"Awesome," Ryuichi replied half heartedly, making the pink chick mull and peck at the poor, defenseless blue one.

Tohma's eyes wandered nervously to the clock.

"Ryuichi, lunch's almost over. We better get back to work."

"Yes. The work of a dentist never ends," Ryuichi sighed, standing from his previous stance of nearly standing, but just plain hunching over the table, stuffing food into his mouth.

"Hello...? Mr. Dentist Man?" a small girl standing around a foot high said, approaching Ryuichi as he walked down the hall leading to his dental chambers.

"Yes, little girl?" Ryuichi responded happily, smiling widely for the child.

"I'm hungry..." she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears.

Ryuichi's expression softened, and he willingly handed the girl a handful of caramel chews from his pocket.

"Enjoy! And I'll see you later." Ryuichi winked, then ran off.

Tohma cautiously entered his shadowed office, and quickly turned on the lights and opened all the windows. He had a bad feeling about the day, and his next patient.

It said in his files that it was a woman, an older woman of about eighty years. Now, should Tohma have been that scared of such an elderly person? Couldn't he ward off someone whose fat, muscles and skin had all molded into one mass and was rendered virtually useless? Couldn't he trip an old man with a fake hip? Couldn't he beat up even the healthiest of oldsters!?

But other things were on his mind. He was too paranoid to think about the things made so obvious.

His mind was made up; the old woman was going to attempt killing him. And nothing would convince poor Tohma otherwise.

It was then that he heard a knock on his door.

Knock... knock...

He stood still.

Knock... knock...

Why open the door when you're sure there's a murderer behind it?

Knock... knock...

"H-hello, ma'am!!" Tohma cried out shakily, after he flung open the door, dropped to the floor, closed his eyes and braced himself for the inevitable knife through his neck

Silence set in.

"...Are you okay...?" asked a stern and unfriendly, yet pleasantly young sounding voice.

Tohma peeked an eye open and looked up, to find none other than his other good friend in the door way.

"Yuki!" Tohma sighed in sweet relief. He stood up and smiled, then made his way over to the desk and took a seat. "Thank god it's you; I thought you were an old woman trying to kill me."

"Are you insane?" Yuki shook his head in disapproval. "How can you call yourself a therapist and still walk around in this condition? **You **have a problem. You're paranoid! Why don't you go and deal with that!?"

"...Because I'm scared," Tohma answered sheepishly, spinning his chair around to face the wall.

"You're pathetic."

"I'm pathetic, am I? What about you? You fell in love with one of your patients! That's as low as you can go!"

"I did not fall in love with him! I merely pity the poor sap," Yuki mumbled, directing a glare at the back of Tohma' chair. ((A/N: That rhymed!))

"Sure. A likely story coming from you." Tohma shook his head and turned around. "Please, will you stay here with me until the old woman gets here? I know it's stupid but I really think she's going to try something!"

"I would, but I have a patient of my own to tend to," Yuki said, turning his back and walking toward the door.

"And what patient would that be!?" Tohma asked scornfully, pouting to himself.

Yuki stood in silence for a moment, and then quickly left the office.

Tohma took a deep breath and turned his chair around. His mind drifted back to all those missing therapists. Why would someone kidnap a therapist? Being one himself, he had to wonder if there was some reason behind it... but what reason could someone possibly have? A therapist was someone to help you. The person doing this obviously had a problem, and yet even when dealing with so many therapists, they were still troubled and continued to take more and more.

...Maybe they just had an unsolvable problem...

Tohma was jerked out of his thoughts when there was another knock at the door. He prepared himself mentally, and soon stood up and allowed entry to his newest patient.

"Hello," Tohma greeted the older woman cheerfully, putting on his biggest and fakest of smiles. "Please, come in, Mrs. Smith."

"Thank you. Such a nice boy..." she whispered, taking a seat in a large, comfortable chair. Tohma sat in a chair across from it.

Yes. The woman was older... Her hair had turned that awesome old-people-blue color, her face was a bit withered, and she didn't seem to be in the best of physical conditions. But she seemed happy enough. What problems could a woman her age still need to deal with?

"How are you today?" Tohma asked, as he reached for a clipboard and his trusty pen.

Tohma jetted his eyes back to woman after seeing out of the corner of his eye what he thought to be a hateful glare coming from her.

He then became very nervous.

"I'm just dandy," she replied, closing her large, bright-green eyes that brilliantly contrasted the rest of her dull and faded completion.

"Oh? Well... then why are you here?" Tohma asked, a little unsure about everything. He didn't mean to sound rude, but this woman seemed happy...

The woman looked back up and smiled...

"It's my husband... I... I know that he's being unfaithful, but I don't know how to deal with it."

Tohma sighed in relief. Perhaps the woman wasn't going to kill him. Although this seemed more like a problem a woman would go to someone else about... not a therapist! But oh well...

"Well, if he's not being faithful, he can't be a very good husband. He clearly doesn't care enough about you if he's off with other women..." Tohma just wanted the old woman gone. She was creeping him out.

"Oh," the woman said emotionlessly. "Well then, I think I know what to do..." she declared, smiling as she stood and approached poor Tohma. "Be quiet, this might hurt a little."

"OUCH!!" a small child wailed. "YOU HURT ME WITH YOUR PICKY METAL PICK!" he screamed at Ryuichi.

"You were moving too much!" Ryuichi countered, putting his hands on his hips.

"I was only talking!"

"Well you're not supposed to talk while I'm working on your teeth!"

"BUT YOU WERE ASKING ME QUESTION! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YOU WITHOUT MOVING MY MOUTH AROUND!?"

"WHOA! Don't get hysterical on me..." Ryuichi said in a concerned tone, placing a hand on the small boy's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I know. Dentist shouldn't ask their patients questions while they're picking at their teeth with sharp things."

"Thanks, Mr. Dr. Sakuma Dentist Man!"

"And thank you, Johnny!"

"My name's Steve..."

"That's what I said," Ryuichi stated, a huge smile on his face that would convince anyone.

"Sakuma-san! SAKUMA-SAN!" one of Ryuichi's assistants called, as he ran down the hallway in an alarmed and hysterical scuffle with the floor.

"What is it, Assistant Shuichi!?"

"A THERAPIST HAS BEEN KIDNAPED FROM THIS BUILDING AND I DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS AND IT COULD BE MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY THERAPIST AND THAT WOULD SUCK BECAUSE HE'S MIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!" Shuichi cried, dropping to his knees in front of Ryuichi, tears pouring out of his eyes as he fought desperately to wipe them all away.

"Wow... why are you seeing a therapist again?"

"I have attachment issues... I get attached to things and people so easily and I don't wanna lose my therapist now that we've made so much progress! I'D RATHER DIE!"

"I see... Well, let's hurry up and find out which therapist it is! Hopefully it's someone other than your Yuki... anyone other than your Yuki."

And so the two went to the front desk...

"TOHMA SEGUCHI!? WHYYYYYYYYYYY!? ANYONE BUT MY FRIEND TOHMA!" Ryuichi cried, dropping to his knees in front of Shuichi, tears pouring out of his eyes as he fought desperately to wipe them all away.

Shuichi patted his boss's shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

"This is awful! He's probably dead and rotting in a dumpster somewhere! He warned me! HE WAS WARNING ME! AND I IGNORED HIM LIKE A SELFISH MONEY!"

"Now, now... you couldn't have known this was going to happen. And I doubt it's been long enough for him to be dead! It only happened five minutes ago! Miss, how did the kidnapper escape!?" Shuichi asked, becoming determined.

The woman at the desk thought for a moment.

"Well, she had previously drilled a hole in the floor, that lead to a tunnel, that lead to a helicopter, and they flew away!"

"Which direction?"

"Up!"

"C'mon Ryuichi! We're going to save Tohma!" Shuichi declared, clapping his hands together. "You have a helicopter, right?" he then asked, looking down at the downtrodden dentist.

"Ummhmmmm..." Ryuichi managed to choke out over his tears, nodding slightly.

"Then let's go!"

"Okay, just let me finish cleaning my last patient's teeth."

"All right."

And a half an hour to forty-five minutes later, the two were in Ryuichi's helicopter and in search of their dear therapist friend.

"Floss?"

"Check."

"Fluoride?"

"Check."

"Sugar-free bubble gum?"

"Check."

"Nitrousoxyde?"

"Check."

"Then I think we're well prepared," Ryuichi declared, turning a bit to the left. "But where on earth could Tohma be...? Where do we begin?"

"How about that house with the helicopter landing pad on the roof?" Shuichi pointed out, tilting his head in the direction of the old house.

"Hmm... maybe. But what about McDonalds?" Ryuichi suggested, pointing to the fast food restaurant below them.

"Hmm..."

And two milkshakes & Happy Meals later, the two were off again.

"The boy's toy is never as fun as the Barbie!" Shuichi giggled, putting the plastic jacket on his miniature fashion doll.

"I know!" Ryuichi beamed, as he began to land the helicopter at the old house with the landing pad. "If Tohma's anywhere, it's here."

"Yep," Shuichi agreed, and the two stepped out of the helicopter, both unsure of what was to come. "So, Sakuma-san, how do we get inside?"

"Well," Ryuichi started, looking thoughtful. "To hide all the therapists, this house would have to be pretty big. So I'm guessing it has a huge basement! To be sure, we'll use our X-rays to check out the underground!"

Shuichi and Ryuichi hurried and unloaded the X-ray equipment...

"It's not working..." Shuichi said in utter shock after the X-ray wouldn't produce anything identifiable.

"That's weird... it always works when I use it on teeth..."

Shuichi and Ryuichi stood and stared at the blank X-rays in nothing short of shock.

"Damn... now what?" Shuichi asked, turning to his boss in question.

"Break out the shovels! We're going to dig our way under anyway!"

"LET'S DO IT!" Shuichi cried out enthusiastically, as he ran back to the helicopter to get shovels.

"LET'S DO IT!" Dr. K cried out enthusiastically, as him and a few other therapists took a running start and rammed themselves into a locked door in an attempt to force it down. "Damn it!" he yelled, once the door refused to obey.

"We're all going to die!" Dr. Sakano sobbed, lowering himself to the floor in defeat.

"Oh, come on...! Let's just give it one more shot! If you guys put the force K and I are into knocking down this door... it'd... it'd be knocked down! So let's go!" Hiro—a student who knew too much—ordered Dr. Sakano and Suguru—another student who knew too much.

"My shoulder hurts..." Suguru said sheepishly, rubbing at his shoulder furiously.

"That's no way to talk! We're in the midst of being assassinated by an old woman nearly eight times your age who's nearly eight times your age! SO PUT SOME BACK INTO THIS AND HELP!" K commanded. He was obviously the leader... ... ... ... uh-oh.

"Assassinated?" Sakano questioned.

"She's really that old?" Suguru asked.

"How can you put your back into ramming a door?" Hiro added, thinking it over.

"Don't you watch TV!?" K yelled angrily, kicking at the door. "All I know is that I'm not spending another second in this room with you people!" he then declared, adding to the ultimate drama of the moment by gently, or, in other words, stomping his foot down with all the power he could throw behind it. Unfortunately, the substance his foot met was not of the 'floor-ish' kind. No... it felt more... more like someone's head.

K, Suguru, Sakano and Hiro all directed their glances at the floor, to see a little patch of pink hair popping through, located directly under K's foot.

Silence set in for nearly three and a half minutes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Everyone started screaming at once, running about, climbing out of the hole in the floor, drinking soda and throwing pencils. The room was in a state of chaos.

"ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN OR I'LL BE FORCED TO FORCE FEED YOU THIS ATKIN'S APPROVED LOW-CARB MILK... BY FORCE!"

Everyone froze at K's threat.

"EWW! Health food is disgusting!" Ryuichi screeched, clinging to his own arms and shivering.

"Now, not all health food is disgusting, Mr. Potential Buyer!" Sakano started, turning to the nonexistent camera, then motioning toward Suguru.

"Why, of course not, Sakano-san!" the boy continued, holding up a box. "Like this breakfast food! Nature's Path Organic FLAX PLUS multibran cereal (not genetically engineered)!"

"...High fiber, nothing artificial, no chemical pesticides, no synthetic additives or preservatives!!" Sakano squealed with excitement.

"Each 30 g serving has 7 g of fiber, making Flax Plus a high fiber source. Low fat diets rich in fiber-containing grain products, fruit and vegetables may reduce the risk of some types of cancer, a disease associated with many factors," Suguru went on, and modeled off the box.

"_O health! Oh health! The blessing of the rich! The riches of the poor! Who can buy thee at too dear a rate, since there is no enjoying this world without thee? –_Ben Jonson," Sakano quoted.

"Flax plus! Now with extra flax!" Suguru finished up, and then threw the box aside.

"I still don't want the low-carb milk..." Hiro mumbled, shaking his head. "HEY! What are you guys doing here!?" He pointed to Shuichi & his dentist companion.

"I'm here on a rescue mission to save my therapist friend, Tohma Seguchi," Ryuichi stated with pride, a smile coming over his face as all eyes were on him, praising his dentalic morals as though he were some sort of friend-saving American idol. ((A/N: ...))

"How noble!" Sakano cheered, as tears flooded his eyes again.

"And as luck would have it, you tunneled yourself into a locked room," Suguru sighed in exasperation. "But perhaps you can help us ram down this door?" he suggested hopefully.

"Hmm... wait, I have a better ideal," Ryuichi said thoughtfully, which actually would sound very scary if you try to imagine it. And the dentist approached the door, kneeling down to be at eye level with it. "It appears this door has a lock." Everyone fell over in recoil of his more than stupid statement of the obvious. Ryuichi willingly ignored it, then reached down to his belt.

"OH! That's right!" Shuichi shouted, sitting up from the floor with a huge smile coming over him. "Ryuichi put together a utility belt filled with everything we might possibly need in a sticky situation! Just like a dentist! They have to deal with a lot of sticky stuff!"

Hiro, K, Suguru and Sakano just stared.

Ryuichi finally revealed his weapon of choice: the metal pick dentists use to scrape the gunk off of teeth. Carefully, with the utmost precision, he stuck the end of it into the key hole and began to fiddle around with it. In merely a few minutes, the group heard the sound of a door opening; they were free at long last!

Everyone then looked up to see that there were at least twenty security guards waiting right outside the door for them.

"Damn it..." Hiro sighed, clenching his fists. "Looks like we'll have to fight our way through this one!"

At that, everyone let out a battle cry and charged at the enemy.

"You think you can beat us!?" one of the guards shouted. "THINK AGAIN! We're the _anti-therapists_! YOU'LL NEVER WIN OVER US!!!"

Ryuichi reached for his belt again and grabbed out a container of floss for himself, and one for Shuichi. At the signal, the two in perfect unison shot out their spools of floss, quickly tying up three of the anti-therapists.

But the others weren't having such an easy time...

"Your father never hugged you!" an anti-therapist yelled in poor Sakano's face. "You wanna know why!? It's because you're a wimpy, no-nothing loser who can't even throw a baseball!"

"No! My father just had a problem... he... IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" he screamed. But it lacked conviction and belief, so Sakano found himself growing weaker.

"Your mother wasn't around much, was she?"

"STOP IT!"

"Weren't you always bullied in school...?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Have you truly even succeeded...!?"

"I... I'm... I'm a failure..." Sakano whimpered, sinking to the ground.

"I'll save you," Shuichi cried out, hooking his floss onto a hanging lamp, and with a running start he leapt off the ground and swung over to the defeated therapist, and kicked his enemy to the floor.

"You... you saved me!" Sakano beamed, looking up at Shuichi with true gratitude and admiration.

Shuichi smiled, and put a hand on Sakano's shoulder.

"You're no failure. Sometimes people just aren't as kind as they could or should be... You're a good person," Shuichi said, giving him a friendly wink and a thumbs up. "I can tell!"

"Thank you..." Sakano replied, a faint look of happiness enveloping him.

"Thank you...!" Hiro chirped cheerfully, swinging the keys he had stolen off an anti-therapist around his finger. "I believe these keys go to the old woman's room. We can free the other therapists and then get out of here as soon as we defeat the rest of these guys!"

"You mean if we can defeat them!" Suguru said from his current position of hiding behind Hiro.

"No worries there," Ryuichi declared, as he, from out of nowhere, pulled out a huge container of nitrousoxyde gas. "EVERYONE COVER YOUR MOUTHS AND SMELLERS!"

Suguru, Hiro, Shuichi, Sakano and K quickly complied with Ryuichi's orders as the dentist unleashed the powerful weapon on the lot of anti-therapists.

Everyone watched in fascination as the guards all dropped like flies... drugged up flies.

Everyone then ran upstairs to escape the gas's effects.

"What was that stuff!?" Suguru asked, turning to Ryuichi.

"Nitrousoxyde; also known as 'laughing gas'," Ryuichi laughed cheerfully. "We dentists sometimes use it on patients when the pain's a little too much..."

"You're so awesome, Ryuichi!" Shuichi cheered excitedly, jumping up and down.

"Thanks, Shu-chan!" Ryuichi offered his trainee a wide and demented smile.

"So! Are we going to go kick some old lady ass or what!?" Hiro suggested, handing the keys to Ryuichi.

"YEAH!" they all cheered at once.

"YEAH!" Tohma cried, struggling against his ropes. "Let me go!"

"I'm afraid that would be... impossible," the old woman said, gently placing her hand on the back of the chair poor Tohma was tied to.

"Why!? Why can't you just let me go!? Why can't you let all of the therapists go...!? Why did you come after them in the first place!? At least provide some answers!" Tohma was nearing the point of tears.

"You therapists are nothing more than rats! Selfish rats that care nothing about your patients! You're all only out for money and you understand nothing about the problems you try to solve!"

"That's not true!" Tohma persisted.

"Then why couldn't anyone of you help me with my problem!?" she screamed, turning to face her be-napped.

"Your... problem...?" Tohma questioned, a softer look coming over him as he realized the old woman was close to tears.

"Years and years ago my husband cheated on me with many other women. All you therapists ever said was that he wasn't good enough for me, and that an unfaithful husband wasn't a good one. But none of you seemed to understand that I loved him despite the fact that he was a liar, unfaithful... you only dealt with what was going on in my mind, and I am still left heartbroken because of it. How could you help anyone with any problem when you only look beneath one of many surfaces? In my mind I knew he was a jerk, I knew he wasn't good enough! But my heart refused to forget him...! And no one could help me with that! You're all unfit to help others with such problems!"

Tohma just stared at the woman. How the hell was he supposed to respond to that, anyway?

"Umm... but did you really have to kidnap all the therapists in the city?"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! You feel no compassion and no empathy for my problem! How on earth are you fit to be a therapist!?" she yelled, her withered voice cracking.

Tohma's expression became firm then, and he narrowed his eyes at the woman to form a dagger-like glare.

"Heartbreak happens, ma'am. And it's your responsibility to deal with that. A therapist only looks to that one aspect because that's all we're supposed to do. Emotional problems should be dealt with by yourself. It's your unique soul, and no one will ever understand entirely."

"How can you—" and the woman was cut off as the door was flung open, to reveal the rescuers and the rescued making their grand appearance.

"We're here to save you, Seguchi-saaaaaaaaaaan!" Ryuichi sang, as they all casually entered the room.

"Sakuma-san! Shu-chan! ...And... all you other people!" Tohma cried out happily.

"I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE NOT DEAD AND ROTTING IN A DUMPSTER SOMEWHERE...!!!" Ryuichi sobbed, as he ran over to his tied up friend and gave him a big hug.

"And I'm so glad we got here in time!" Shuichi added, running over to Ryuichi to give him a big hug.

"And thank you guys for saving us!" K said quickly, and the rest of the group headed over and hugged as well.

"What are you doing!?" the old woman yelled, causing everyone to look in her direction.

Ryuichi soon left the group hug and approached the woman. A smirk danced upon his lips as he hovered his hand in front of her face, and then in the rudest of all twists, he reached for her mouth and pulled from it none other than... dentures.

"Heh, well, it seems you weren't the only one being unfaithful, ma'am," Tohma said, smirking as well.

"Had you been true to your teeth... perhaps they wouldn't be false to you." Ryuichi winked.

"A lot of problems we cause ourselves. If we don't take good care of the ones close to us, the relationship won't sparkle with a healthy sheen. It will rot, and no tooth wants to stay in the mouth of a woman who lets it become riddled with decay," Shuichi said to the woman, giving her a firm expression.

"We all love our teeth. And although we often times don't mean for it, we forget to take care of them... no one likes to be used, and then never returned the kindness," Hiro finished, nodding confidently.

The woman stood in short silence.

"Just go," she ordered, turning her back to the group.

"... Okay!" Ryuichi said, untying his friend.

The group then left the building, and, of course, called the police.

"That sure was a... different day," Suguru said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"It almost seems like something out of MacGyver..." Sakano said hesitantly. "But... with less miraculous escapes using nail files and car mufflers."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"But what did it all mean? Was there some kind of lesson behind it?" Shuichi asked in a cheesy tone, looking up to the sky wistfully, and, on cue, the wind blew his hair.

"I don't know..." Tohma said, thinking it over for a moment. "But hey, I have to get going. I have a patient in an hour!"

"Bye!" everyone called, as Tohma ran off from the group.

"CRAP! And I have school!" Suguru yelled, scurrying off as well.

"BYE!"

"AH! SCHOOL!" Hiro yelled, following in Suguru's footsteps.

"AND I HAVE A DATE... I mean... session... WITH MY THERAPIST!" Shuichi cried out with utter excitement. "SEEYA!"

"BYE!"

"And I need a good rest..." And Sakano left.

Ryuichi looked around himself for a moment, then smiled and took out a long piece of floss, beginning to clean out his teeth.

"Be true to your teeth, and they'll never be false to you."

_END_

A/N: ... That was... the absolute strangest thing I've ever written. X.X PLEASE REVIEW! XD!


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